My daughter and her boyfriend were devastated at the thought of no more music from The Grateful Dead after Jerry Garcia died (August 9, 1995) and so they not only breathed a sigh of relief when they heard that the remaining members of the band were to perform with the San Francisco Symphony—they loaded up and headed out.
The trip from the East Coast was a particularly grueling one. They took the southern route across Texas and Arizona and when they reached the California coast they discovered that El Niño had washed portions of it out to sea, forcing them to detour inland.
They found relief from the long days of driving and nights of primitive camping by seeking out some affluent California town much like the one they came from (Ridgefield, Connecticut) with a gym for bathing and an upscale coffee shop where they could plug into a homelike environment and talk to the locals.
I like the phrase “same engine” because it contains so much promise for breaking down the barriers that separate us.
In Carmel they parked their battered VW bus with the peace symbol on the back outside Clint Eastwood’s Squealing Pig restaurant and as they were stretching their legs in the parking lot an impeccably dressed middle-aged man pulled up beside them in a silver Porsche 914.
I like the phrase “same engine” because it contains so much promise for breaking down the barriers that separate us.
Eager to talk to someone other than each other, they tried to start up a conversation with him. They asked about the restaurant, the area, the weather, but the man in the silk ascot, who pronounced the town’s name in a lilting voice as “CAA-H-MEL,” showed no interest in the two deadheads in sweaty bandanas.
Finally my daughter’s boyfriend glanced over at the Porsche and patted the behind of his trusty VW. “Same engine,” he said.
His last ditch attempt to find common ground fell completely flat. There was no softening in the man, no spark of recognition, no smile at the irony of the situation. He went on his way.
I like the phrase “same engine” because it contains so much promise for breaking down the barriers that separate us.
What if coworkers who habitually complain about each other stopped to think that fundamentally we all want to be productive and to feel a part of something bigger than ourselves? What if they understood that when a plan or a project stalls, patience and support are more likely to get it going than criticism and gossip?
What if quarreling family members remembered that we all in our hearts, when we’re not letting fear, self-righteousness and anger drive us, want to be treated with kindness and respect, and treating others as we want to be treated actually makes us feel better about ourselves?
What if political groups on opposite ends of issues that affect so many other people were willing to see beyond their hot-button differences and have real conversations instead of trading hostile sound bites?
And what if I tried to make my own musings a reality by looking for what I have in common with my fellow human beings in my daily life?
As I write this, I am chugging along on Amtrak Regional 162 from Philadelphia to Providence. Two women in the seat across from me have been chattering nonstop since they boarded the train in New York.
Can’t they see I’m trying to work? Can’t they be quiet and respectful—like me?
But now it occurs to me that I’ve just spent three days with my friend in Philadelphia and we did exactly the same thing.
And so I look over at the women and we exchange smiles.
Bev – Ah yes, change. I published the 2nd edition of my book because the demographics had changed, encompassing other than retirees i.e. students, persons displaced through the financial recession, Boomers. The 2nd edition has a new title: Second Career Volunteer, a passionate, pennywise approach to a unique lifestyle – same, yet different. The Introduction explained who could now use the book as a resource; and, lastly, the A-Z Index of websites was updated. A fresh, new approach to a book – same engine, new definition. Thanks for your insight. Barbara
Great “what if” questions! Thanks Bev.
@Constance Clare-Newman, Thanks for commenting, Constance. It’s great to have you as a reader.
Bev, you’ve really picked a Hot-Button topic here as it applies not only to the workforce and employment issues of today, but, also, to the state of the nation and crises in the world.
We need to try to find a commonality with all inhabitants of the Planet as well as try to foster that kind of communication with the “leaders” of our Government – and hope members of Congress might be willing to explore commonalities with the people they serve…..We The People.
If we are ever to experience any sort of peace in the world, we should look for “Same Engine” opportunities.
You hit the nail on the head. Joan
@Joan Willis, Thank you for your insightful comment, Joan. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough to start with ourselves, but if everyone did “we the people” would shine! Bev
I love the same engine… not only are we all alike, we ARE all ONE. Recognizing and acknowledging that mystical reality is my daily work.
@Madalyn, Thank you for carrying the thought of having the same engine to its end point, the holistic energy of all being one.
Hi Beverly,
Well, that was an inspiring blog to ponder while I make soup on the gray and snowy afternoon! I loved how you started with your loyal “Dead Heads” journeying to CA and brought us all the way from their disappointing encounter to global crises. We hold our breath as negotiations play out with Iran, stores of poison gas are removed from Syria, and global warming becomes more urgent. Yet how will humans ever solve such problems when we can’t get along even within our families.? Perhaps we, all running with “same engine” can use “the engine that could” as metaphor for the will we must keep alive. Thank you for inspiring me to contemplate. Happy New Year!
@Kit Hayes, and thank you for sharing your rich and deep contemplation. When I hear fear producing news that inclines me to “hold my breath”, I try to consciously do the opposite…take what I’ve heard with a slow inhale and then slowly exhale peace.
I feel the challenge of remembering that we all have the “same engine”. When I do and connect at “the engine level” it does feel good and the interaction is more positive even when a difficult topic. Thank you Beverly for reminding me. I am going to share this with my staff who are helping people who have great challenges in their lives find good jobs.
@Nancy Vescuso, We have to start where we are and you and your staff are doing important “same engine” work.
Beverly, Love this newsletter. Thanks for the reminder to focus on what we do have in common rather than what appears to be our differences. Seems to me that building connections rather than disconnections serves us well always. Thanks for the reminder from “your friend in Philadelphia”.
@Tina Dwyer, Visiting you always inspires me in unexpected and delightful ways.
Dear Bev, Your piece “Same Engine” resonated deeply with me. In working with home sellers as a Realtor, I’ve found the more commonalities I discover with a client, the richer our relationship and the better my work. When slowly viewing a seller’s home for the first time (to determine value and marketability) I inevitably learn about their interests, family, and even vacation adventures. It’s not hard to find common ground.
Thanks for these ideas and also for broadening the focus of your blog in future posts. As one who’s employed, I welcome insights for building a more meaningful work experience… and life.
Snow-bound today, with time to appreciate your good work –
Reita Donaldson
@Reita Donaldson, I love hearing about the deep caring and connectedness you bring to your good work, Reita, and value having you as a regular reader.