Note: this is a reprint of a newsletter column which appeared November 10, 2006. I really am in Skaneateles at the moment, and I’m looking forward to sharing the strategic lessons I learn this year with you in a later post. Bev.
I’m sitting in the cozy living room of a house perched on the side of a steep hill overlooking Skaneateles Lake. (Pronounced “skinny-atlas,” it’s the second easternmost of New York’s Finger Lakes). From my comfortable wide-armed mission chair I have a 180-degree view of the calm, glistening water through the windows that surround me on three sides. There is no sound except for the gentle lapping of the waves, the chatter of a kingfisher, and the clicking of the keys on my computer.
I am on retreat from the office, from my complicated schedule, from being flat out.
My decision to come here was a strategic decision, and I use the word “strategic” intentionally for three reasons.
When you think of it strategically, a vacation becomes an opportunity for discovering ways you want to live differently. It’s not simply leisure. It has a end goal, to hold on to some of what you practice while you’re away and integrate it into your non-vacation life.
First, because one of the best things I can do for my clients (and myself) is to leave them periodically.
Second, because how I “lead” in my personal life is just as much a function of being a leader as how I run my business.
And lastly, I have to use the same care and diligence in planning renewal time as I do in planning any other element of my professional life. It’s the only way I can keep it from slipping away from me.
Notice that I said planning “renewal time,” not “vacation.” I don’t put time away in a separate category from time spent on professional pursuits. I see it rather as a requirement for sustaining them.
The more I try to accomplish in my life, the more important it is for me to be strategic about locking in space for a range of renewal activities, from full-fledged vacations in tranquil locations such as this, to afternoons spent standing before a masterpiece in an art museum, taking a walk to watch the leaves tinged with fall color sway in the breeze, etc. These are the things that restore my perspective, energy, and creativity.
USE OR ABUSE
When you think of it strategically, a vacation becomes an opportunity for discovering ways you want to live differently. It’s not simply leisure. It has a end goal, to hold on to some of what you practice while you’re away and integrate it into your non-vacation life. A strategic vacation is about reshaping your life for the long haul. It is not a quick fix.
Your success in bringing back a new behavior or discipline that supports the accomplishment of something that is important to you—spending more time with the kids, writing a book, experiencing more peace and centered-ness in dealing with the demands of your everyday life—is the principal indicator of whether vacation time has been used strategically as part of a continuum of self care or as a stopgap in a pattern of self-abuse.
I have clients who talk about insane travel schedules, unrealistic performance expectations, unrelenting pressure from customers and staff members, etc., and then in the next breath they talk about an upcoming vacation as if somehow by magic it will make all those problems go away and not be there when they return.
Holding on from vacation to vacation in a role where you routinely give yourself away to the point of depletion makes getting away not a source of renewal but a part of a cycle of abuse.
All I can think of when I hear about people abusing vacations this way is an alcoholic who goes into a rehab to dry out, feels a little better, and comes out and drinks again.
The dependence on periodic vacations to rest up from a persistent condition of overwork is not all that different. Eventually it will get to the point that even the most luxurious or exotic leisure destination will no longer do the trick. The “fix” will stop working.
STRATEGIC VACATION PLAN IMPLEMENTATION
The implementation of a strategic vacation plan requires data collection and monitoring.
I do the data collection by circling back to myself on a regular basis to find my exhaustion threshold and recognize when I’ve crossed it.
When I journal before going to bed, I check in with myself and note my physical and mental state.
I write something like, “Lovely late summer day, too busy to enjoy, very tired”, and after a while, the simple act of repeatedly writing words like “tired”, “exhausted”, “busy” begins to speak to me about needing to rearrange my schedule so I can plan a day, a weekend or a week away to do something that refreshes me, even if it’s just spending an afternoon in a coffee shop with a book.
I also have what I call a “burnout check” set up for the end of each month as a recurring task in Microsoft Outlook. When it comes due, I usually ignore it, but after it sits there colored red in the uncompleted task list for a while, I open it and answer the question: how mentally fried am I? 20%? 30%? 50%?
I’d like to tell you that I always take action when I reach the 20-25% mark, but I don’t. Sometimes I push myself to the point when I really need some kind of renewal if I’m going to remain productive.
Still, my burnout check is a quantifiable way of making myself accountable. As the numbers go up I become increasingly aware that I am trying to do 100% of the work with a smaller and smaller percentage of my available energy.
The monitoring relates to the goals I set for myself around vacation. Whenever I go away, I like to identify two or three personal growth “souvenirs” I want to bring home with me.
For example, I have decided that, as a result of my stay here in Skaneateles, I want to retain three things: saving morning time for quiet reflection and writing, taking long walks, and keeping the television turned off.
Each of these will have to be modified to fit the restrictions of my workday life, but my commitment to working toward them will be reinforced by periodically measuring, just as I would in any strategic process, performance against goals.
Beverly, Thank you for this newsletter. As always, you impart wisdom on so many levels; the practical day to day to the larger context of our lives, how we want to show up and be. All the best, Lauri
Thank you Bev. Reading “Skinny Atlas REDUX” has given me a sense of renewal at my desk this AM.
I will mention to my husband (again), that our non-existent vacation schedule is a form of abuse. Unintended of course. Our current “economix” and family pressures make a getaway difficult. I admit to giving in to the “too much to do list” excuse to taking refreshment right here on Cape Cod. Example? Walking my dog around the block, rather than walking with Nature in Nickerson State Park. “Nuff” said, I got the leash and it is off to the park we go!
Wendy
@Wendy Olin, Thanks, Wendy. For me, the first step toward renewal is taking action with a clear intention of what I’m doing. Sounds like you’ve done that. Bev.
Thank you Bev.
No more excuses. I will walk my dog in the park instead of around the neighborhood. I can “renew” right here on Cape Cod even if I cannot afford to get away just yet. While I am walking I can plan my overdue vacation.
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Wendy
Hi Bev,
How funny this is the topic that shows up today in my email box. Recently a friend suggested to me that maybe it was time for a vacation. I had a strong physical response to her suggestion….something in me said, “yes, that would be so great” and something else responded with, “no, Carol, that would just be a band-aid”. I was surprised by the impact of the suggestion. Your article puts into words what my body response was giving me.
I look forward to hearing your new offerings when you return.
@Carol Nickerson, One consequence of moving to the Cape is that I lost my vacation spot. I love living here, but I find that I need the alternate rhythm of going somewhere else.
That happened to me, too, 18 years ago…still haven’t found that new place, though, I have found ways to “go inside” and find rest and renewal.
Hey Bev,
I always enjoy your insightful blogs on life and how we manage (or mismanage) it and this one was no different. To view living from vacation to vacation as abusive was an eye-opener, which spoke to me and will speak to my husband, once I tell him.
The line that really rung my bell, however, was the one about turning off the TV. I really enjoy television, but the hundreds of commercials these days makes it real torture. I will sit through them, though, just to see the next 10-minute segment. Just this evening I sat through a program I did not enjoy and even thought, “I should turn this thing off and go write, or something,” but I didn’t. I think what your blog is trying to tell us is to give ourselves time to bloom wherever that may be–vacation or not. So thanks for the reminder; I will use it as my own personal growth souvenir. 🙂
@Tyra, I celebrate turning off the TV with a long aaaahhh.
Beverly,
I’m a Licensed Mental Health Counselor working with people experiencing grief and other life transitions. Taking time out to renew, whether for five minutes, a day, or longer is a core practice I recommend to clients during times of upheaval.
Your ideas about vacations/renewal times, and how you conceptualize them, are among the best I’ve encountered. I look forward to more of your wisdom.
Maxine Sushelsky, LMHC
Arlington, MA
http://www.transitionstherapist.blogspot.com
Well stated, Bev. A helpful and important concept for us all to remember … and one too easily neglected, for sure. Renewal, big or small (and reset, when necessary), as pointed out by you and prior commenters, is so vital to growth, fulfillment and happiness. Thank you for re-sharing this valuable post!
I always look forward to your newsletters, reminding me to keep life in balance. I try to take “mini vacations” daily by incorporating time for just me and my self reflection whether it’s exercising, meditating or simply reading the newspaper quietly before anyone else is awake. An idea for the TV people, DVR your shows and enjoy a special TV night, fast forwarding through those negative energy commercials!
Jane Bourette
Dennis, MA
@Jane Bourette, What a great idea! One night a week imposes discipline on TV watching , allows for selectivity and containment. And because you’re not doing it all the time, it becomes special. Thanks.
Dear Bev,
I enjoyed today’s newletter with the story about the businessman sighing as he opened his folder of resume hints.
I found this reprint of the column on vacations special because you suggest that people turn off the TV. The sole purpose of a commercial is to sell you something–a product, service, candidate–without evidence that the item can meet the expectations created. Since TV’s early days, commercials have been designed to tap into and exaggerate the audience’s insecurities and fears. When I was a kid in the early days of TV, during the day commercials focused on making women insecure about whether their laundry, home, children, etc. were clean enough and whether their meals were tasty and prepared on time. Having the TV on was like having your mother-in-law with you ALL THE TIME. In the early evening, the commercials focused on selling cereal, toys, hot chocolate mix (Nestles makes the very best…) to influence school children. Later in the evening, car commercials successfully snagged men with the message that a new vehicle would make them the envy of other men, attract women, and change their life into an exciting adventure. As I said, commercials made adults and children want something they DIDN’T HAVE or something BETTER than they had. I wish parents would turn off the TV–kids wouldn’t know about happy meals. Ah, I could write about problems with TV and commercials all day, but I must go do something instead of sitting here.